The Most Horrible Week Ever!
by Atrophy-Conception
Summary: Invader ZimPsychonauts crossover. By accident Zim finds the mental world and wanders, mindlessly into Raz's head. Having just completed a mission, Raz returns to the Collective Sunconscious only to find his own mind is closed to him.
1. The Door That Shouldn't have been Closed

**Author's Note- Okay basically this story is like Freaky Friday (That god awful movie that keeps getting worse with each remake) cept it's with Invader Zim and Psychonauts (and it has nothing to do with appreciating the other person). For those of you who don't know what that is, basically two characters switch places somehow (In this story it's due to a mishap in the mental world...instead of gypsy magic or wishing on a shooting star.) I started it a while ago...last year I think. **

**Psychonauts is (C) of Tim Schaffer and Double Fine. **

**Invader Zim is (C) of Jhonen Vasquez and unfortunately Nickelodeon. **

Chapter One:

The Door That Should Not Have Been Closed

---RAZ---

The hall winded on and on, twisting and turning upside down so that if one were to stare at it's progress for too long, it would make their eyes water and ache. Occasionally there would be a door or a small window that would reveal a wretched plain of dying trees with branches that reached out like claws and a broken sky. The whole thing, though obviously familiar was visibly damaged and wrong. It was, by some twisted mind, supposed to resemble a train. A horrible train that never ended and went forever into a world of terror and madness.

The only visible life was the occasional outline throughout the many cars. A form of a human that was partly shadow and partly a broken or damaged line. Then, there was the conductor, miles and miles away at the front of the train. Aside from them, there was no one…no one who belonged there anyway.

The government is mysterious enough as it is without having to calculate the secret society's within it that remain hidden from the public at all costs. One of those groups was an unique cluster of agents dealing solely, with problems of the mind. The correct term for these people were Psychonauts. Psychonauts were people who were born with supernatural powers and cast from society as human irregularities.

As it were a group of them were moving through the dark hallways. Three of them were fairly tall, ranging from the ages of 18 and 37. The fourth was considerably shorter and younger. He was wearing a pair of red goggles and had a set expression on his face.

Razputin Aquato had joined The Psychonauts a year before at the age of ten. He was the youngest to be admitted in the groups history. At first, they had been quite cautious about making him one, but after he had rescued two of The Psychonauts top agents, the brains of all of the children at Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp, and The Grand Head of the Psychonaut's daughter Lili from a mad man…(not too mention Truman Zanotto himself after he had officially been named as one) people were slowly beginning to accept the idea of a child as young as him working for the government.

The mission he was currently on was the first one in a long time. He couldn't blow it. At his age, mistakes were not acceptable.

As the serious agents stalked through the abandoned train warily, Raz followed behind, silently looking for something that would permit him to break away from the group. He didn't like trailing overly serious agents. They lacked imagination. And when you found yourself in the mind of a mad man…you had to be imaginative. Walking through the mind of a mad man was like walking through the nightmare of a young child. EVERYTHING could see you and ANYTHING could happen.

Through the shadows Raz spotted a broken gap on the ceiling of the car. He grinned and going unnoticed by the adult Psycho soldiers, he fell behind and then vanished within the shadows. As the three men continued, Raz leapt up toward the gap and pulled himself up to the top of the train. The wind whipped his purplish reddish hair across his face as he balanced on the steal curves of the train's crown. It wasn't hard for him. He had grown up in the circus and therefore was very sure footed. The first thing he noticed was that, although on the inside, the train appeared to go one for ages (They had already walked through nearly fifty cars.) the outside was quite small. He grinned.

He saw the head of the train was a mere five cars away; the windows alight with an eerie luminosity.

For a moment, the haughty part of his mind almost took over, beckoning him to go on by himself, seizing and reprimanding the personification that awaited him in the conductor's car, without the aid of the others. He shook this thought off immediately. Leaving the party was one thing. To take on a full mission by himself was foolish. Even if he could do it…the last thing he wanted was to make more enemies among his peers.

He closed his eyes and set up a mental link with the current leader of the their small group. After a moment, he could see clearly into the older man's mind.

_Agent Castor? _The words formed neatly in mental waves as they traveled to the older mans mind. Raz sensed confusion, realization and then finally frustration from the him.

_Agent Aquato? Where are you? Why have you separated form the group…again? _Even in mental tones his voice was harsh.

_Sorry, sir, but I found a more efficient way to the head of the train. _Raz wasn't surprised that this statement induced even more anger in the man's mental frequency waves.

_Razputin, if you do not return to the group this minute, we will continue without you and will, in turn, not be held responsible for what trouble you may fall into. Do you understand?_

Raz considered this for a moment.

_Yes sir. _He sent back.

_Good, we're not going to wait for you…so make haste. _

Raz felt the mental link broken between them. He stood on the top of the train for a moment before letting out a sigh.

"Looks like I'm on my own again." He said quietly to himself before mentally preparing himself for whatever lay ahead. It often went like this. Unless he was with people he knew, people who were aware of his capabilities and didn't consider him to be nothing but a mere child, no one ever listened to him. He thought the reason was because, when you were a senior agent, the last thing you wanted was to be shown up by eleven year old. So, instead of considering his views, they tried to keep him below them, by ignoring even his better idea's, for the sake of their own pride.

Of course, Raz was not completely innocent of this. His desire to prove himself often drove him to repeatedly ignore the orders of his superiors. He often got lectured about this behavior. (Most of the time by Agent Nein, who above many things considered order and balance to be most important.) But as many people had discovered in the past, Raz's determination ruled over every part of his consciousness. It wasn't that he wanted to do everything on his own, he was always glad to work with someone else, but whenever he was put in a party with men who considered him to be far inferior to them, it drove him to prove to them just how wrong they were.

Raz stood over the conductor's car. Without much thought, he applied his invisibility and swung himself into the window with all of the grace of a true acrobat.

---ZIM---

The channels of the large television changed rapidly, giving the viewer no time at all to soak in anything that was displayed. Still, the small robot ginned broadly with his tongue slightly out and occasionally pronounced (Quite loudly.) that the current program was his "favorite show."

After about an hour of this, the doorbell rang and the robot hopped down from the couch and into a small adorably plushy like dog costume, which he zipped up before shuffling towards the door and answering it.

"Ergh…ugh…pizza." An oily teen said, each word coming out as something of a labor.

"PIZZA!" Gir screeched into the teen's pimply face before grabbing the pizza from the man and throwing him a handful of earth money. The teen took a minute or two to count the dollars in his hands (All the while, Gir had opened the box and was currently devouring the cheesy mess.) before looking up.

"Your…ergh…short two dollars." The teen exclaimed, giving Gir an expecting look. The robot looked up from his pizza and smiled.

"Your heads greasy." He exclaimed happily. Behind him, Zim, who had gotten the doorbell warning in his lab a minute or two before, had quickly thrown on his disguise and was currently storming towards Gir and the pizza delivery boy angrily. He stepped in front of the door; nudging Gir out of the way as he did and stared up at the teenager is disgust.

"Your…uh…your dog is short two dollars." The teen said slowly. Zim, was glaring at him as though he had said some horribly obscene thing.

"If…Ergh…you don't pay all of the tab…I have to take the pizza back." (This statement was hardly threatening, considering Gir had finished most of the pizza by then.) Zim seemed to be losing a battle with himself as he fought back the urge to threaten the teenager with removing his limbs and experimenting on his hideous earthling carcass. Finally, he put on as sincere a face as he could (Which was not very effective.) and responded to the filthy teenager.

"Yes, of course, hideous earth creature, I'll get you your _filthy _earth moneys so that you can be on your way." Zim left the door for a moment, returning after grabbing two of the earth dollars and distributing them to the teenager, who was looking around a little uneasily.

"Uh…thanks for choosing…ergh…Bloaty's, we app-" Zim slammed the door on the teenagers face before he could finish. After a moment of stunned silence, the teenager turned and left, looking a little dejected.

"Agh! Filthy grease monkey!" Zim said angrily as he kicked at the air. "Gir!" The robot, who had shed his dog disguise, finished off the remains of his pizza and hurried to him masters side. For a moment, the bluish glow of his eyes flashed red.

"Yes sir?" He said, his voice changing as he slipped, for a few moments into duty mode.

"What have I told you about letting humans into our base?" The robots, eyes flashed back to their regular azure hue and he grinned broadly.

"Ah don't remember!!" he pronounced proudly. Zim sighed.

"Of course you don't." Zim said wearily. "Now I'm going to tell you again, Gir. Earth is our enemy. We are here to _destroy_ it. We are not here to enjoy it's FILTHY Pizza FILTH!! Nor are we here to interact with any of the horrible earth things…outside of annihilating them. Understand?"

"Mm hmm" Gir agreed happily.

Outside came the merry tune of the ice cream truck. Gir grinned.

"ICE CREAM." He ran past his master, who was shouting protests as the robot threw open the door and ran towards the large multi colored truck. Zim watched him, marveling out how stupid the little robot could be sometimes, before slumping over in defeat as the robot bought his ice cream and headed back into the house.

"Want some, master?" The robot asked, while holding out a dripping stick of sugary ice, shaped in the form of a smiling clown. Zim shivered in disgust and pushed it away from him. He closed the door and put on one of the locks before tossing Gir an angry look and heading back towards his lab.

Gir followed him, licking at his treat and looking all together too adorable for the small alien to stomach.

"Whatcha working on master?" Gir asked as they stepped into the elevator and Zim tossed off his human façade.

"Do you remember last Halloween, when that Dib thing pulled me into that alternate universe inside his grubby human mind?" Zim asked, intending to answer the robots question.

"No." Gir answered happily. Zim ignored him.

"I'm currently working out a way to use that to my advantage. If a world exists in every human mind, then maybe I can use it to gain control of the flesh beasts and bend them to my whim." Zim smiled evilly.

Gir finished of his pop sickle and was currently poking his master in his scrawny arm with it.

"Stop it, Gir." Zim said gallingly.

"Oki." The elevator stopped and he followed his master onto the platform as the alien headed over to the master computer.

"How are you going to get into the minds without Dib's BIG head?" Gir asked.

"Hmm…true. The Dib human's head is more massive then usual." Zim said, considering this. "And, I've proven through thorough research with that happy earthling I put in the tube that simply drilling a hole into the head will not suffice." As he said this he looked at the tanks where he kept his human specimens. Few occupied the glass casing.

"But when I went into the Dib things mind, we simply vanished. I have already acquired that thing from Dibs dirty house. Maybe there's an instruction manual…but that would mean going to…_his_ house."

"Well he sneaks into your house all the time!" Gir said happily. Zim cringed and glared at the robot.

"I was simply caught of guard…all…of those times. _It will not happen again!_" Zim said while shaking his fist.

"That's what you always say!" Gir screeched. Zim's shoulders slumped.

"Gir, go upstairs and…I dunno…do something else." Girl squealed and ran to the elevator, leaving Zim to ponder over his current predicament. He walked over to the dresser in the middle of his living room and pressed the wall at random. It flipped up and revealed a tunnel down into the depths of his house. A hovering disk stopped at the top and Zim stepped onto it. When it reached the bottom of the shaft, Zim stepped off of it and headed towards a large computer.

"Computer, I need some information on this thing from Dib's house." Zim held up a small device as he asked.

"It appears to be an advanced mechanism for seeing into one's own subconscious. It's use is undetermined."

"Undetermined? What is this…subconscious you speak of?"

"Some humans believe that an alternate reality exists inside the human mind and that each mind is connected in what has been called the collective subconscious. This is…this…Zim are you listening?"

"Wha? No I wasn't sorry." Zim said as he examined his gloved hand. The computer sighed.

"So your saying that with this thing I can control the minds of every filthy human on the planet? I'll do it!"

"Zim, that's…not what I said."

"Silence! Is there way I can enter into this…other dimension…without winding up in the Dib's nightmarish head?"

"Technically, yes, but sending your psyche into the collective subconscious without experience is highly dangerous…I would recommend it."

"Your not here so you can give me advice, computer. You're here to obey. Tell me how to…do that thing…you just said…I shouldn't do."

"Well, technically if you plug it in, I should be able to reset it's basic function. Then, instead of just seeing the other world, your mind will be projected into it. But there's no guarantee where you'll wind up…and it might be difficult to find your way back into your head…Zim!"

"Huh, what? Sorry I zoned out on ya there…yes…it's brilliant." He said to himself.

"It probably won't work." The computer said in a deep mechanical voice.

"Shut up and start the process." He said as he plugged the device in.

"…" After a few moments of silence Zim began to tap his foot.

XRAZX

The man conducting the train was large, his tattered train uniform hung off of him in large strips. He didn't seem to be doing anything of use. In front of him were two levers, both of them plain, almost seeming to come out of a child's imagination. One was red and one was yellow. He was pulling on both of them, pushing them forward and backward.

When Raz reached the front of the train he went invisible and quietly lowered himself into the window. He looked around until he saw a huge lever in the corner, obviously a brake. Then, without much hesitation, he grabbed it telekinetically and pulled on it. There was a long, mournful creak, but would not budge. Just then, Raz's invisibility wore off and the Train man noticed him.

"Argh! Intruder…a small infant, no more then a baby, let it not concern us. He stopped the train though, he did. Sorry wee spawn, but if I've told him once, I've told him a hundred times, there's no getting off this train."

"Okay, you obviously have issues buddy." Raz said as he pulled his goggles over his eyes.

"The train must not stop. James will be here forever. Yes forever. Spiraling onward and onward till we reach the bridge."

"Are you afraid to fight me or do you just like hearing yourself talk?" Raz got into a fighting position. The man grinned with a mouthful of crooked teeth. His eyes, which were bright yellow, flashed out of his misshapen skull, bulging and mad. He lunged at Raz in an attempt to take hold of him. Raz leapt out of his way. It was easy enough, the man was slow and stupid in movement. Raz mind blasted him. The man fell back against a lever, sending it forward. The door behind Raz opened, revealing the landscape, a mad and winding thing speeding by. It blurred. In the distant the glow of milky lights could be seen, a neighborhood? Another part of James' mind.

"Sorry little intruder, this now ends. Meet your premature death." He lunged forward again. Raz thought quickly and grabbed the man telekinetically and without much thought, pulled him up and with every bit of his psychic energy heaved the man over his head, ducking in the process. The man screamed, and, with ripped uniform flapping around him, fell into the frightening darkness beyond the train.

Raz straightened and took a few hesitant steps toward the door.

"Looks like this was your stop." He said silently. He pulled a lever and the door shut, cutting off the breeze around him. He then returned to the brake and took it in both gloved hands. After some struggling I shot forward and the train slowly came to a halt.

---ZIM---

"_The process is complete."_ Zim looked up at his computer.

"Finally." He said irately. He examined the new contraption for a moment. "I'm brilliant!" He shouted, before stepping towards it. "How does this thing work?"

_"Well…you should be able to simply peer into the eyepiece and begin the process…but Zim, seriously, I think you should consider my warning." _

"Yeah yeah, that's great." He said quickly as he looked into the eyepiece. "Computer start the process." Zim's computer let out what could have only been a lengthy sigh.

_"Process Starting."_

---RAZ---

Raz headed back through the cars. There were less now. Whether this was because he was coming from the other direction, or because he got rid of the conductor was beyond him. Finally, he reached the car he was looking for. A trim blonde man sat, looking miserable. He was balding and wore tiny spectacles balanced on his slightly pointed nose. When Raz opened the door, he looked up, a look of terrified madness in his eyes.

"Mr. Camberlin."

"Yes? W-who are you? Why has the train stopped?" Raz walked slowly to the door and opened it. Outside, the scenery was still and silent.

"This is the last stop, Mr. Camberlin. All passengers off." Raz said. The man got shakily to his feet and pointed at the door cautiously. Raz nodded. The man flashed a mad smile and walked unsteadily to the exit. Just then, the other Psychonauts entered. Raz turned towards them and gave them a guilty smile as the train door shut behind James.

Agent Castor gave Raz the tired and annoyed look of a man who has been disobeyed by someone…and then also showed up by them.

"Uhh…mission complete…sir. The negative voice in the back of James' head has been eliminated, the train has stopped and James is off." Castor's jaw tightened for a moment.

"Razputin, this is the fifth order I have given you that you have intentionally disobeyed. Return to real world through the Collective Subconscious immediately while we finish up here."

"But sir…"

"It would be wise if you did NOT avoid another one of my requests Razputin." Raz frowned and nodded.

"Yes sir." He said miserably.

---ZIM---

After he activated the new mechanism Zim saw a blurred room, of apparent infinite size covered in doors. It lingered for a moment and faded, and then he was on a circular walkway with only a couple doors, all shut…except for one. Without any thought, because he didn't really understand any of it, he headed towards the open door.

---RAZ---

Raz appeared in the Collective Subconscious moments after this occurred. He trudged dejectedly towards the place where his door stood, but…he must've gotten the wrong one. Raz looked around, confused. It looked like his door…but…it was closed. Raz turned around and eyed the number of doors hanging in mid air. They were all closed. He blinked and turned back to…what should have been his own. He grabbed the knob and pulled on it. It would not budge.

Then, he heard a strange whooshing sound. He spun around. A strange lone door had just materialized out of nowhere. Raz turned quickly and eyed the door cautiously. He tuned back to his own for a moment, and then towards James' door. It was also closed now. Puzzled, Raz headed towards the new door, seeing that there was nothing else to do.

XXX

I don't really expect that many reviews for this…really I'm just doing it for fun. Don't worry Cerebral Soldier readers, that story'll be first priority. This one's going to move slower. I actually had this up for about a week in the Invader Zim section, then I pulled it off because no on was really reading it. I read it back the other day and decided to alter the first chapter a bit and post it again…because I wanted to finish it. Hopefully, if you do read this you'll like it.

-Thanx


	2. Some Kind Of Crazy Nightmare

Chapter Two:

This Must Be Some Kind Of Crazy Nightmare

Raz groaned and sat up, for a moment, he was hit with that sensation of vertigo that one acquires after they've slept in a strange place and no longer remember who or where they are (Drinking has a good hand in this on many of these occasions) Then, his mind started to clear and he realized…well…he still had no idea where the hell he was.

He scanned the room warily. He was on a platform over a great drop. At the end of the platform was a huge computer board, not unlike those found at Psychonauts HQ.. Beyond that was the largest computer Raz had ever seen.

Raz started to stand. He stopped almost immediately, however when he saw his hands…and legs. Raz rose the rest way and held his hands in front of his face for a moment, alarmed.

_Where the hell are the rest of my fingers!?_

He looked down, examining the rest of his body, suddenly, deeply confused. He was wearing the strangest clothes he'd ever seen. He prodded at his chest absently as if to test if it was him. This did little to encourage him. Raz pulled at the…well…it kind of looked like a red dress with black lines. Then, he pinched himself as hard as he could…which was an extremely odd task when you only had three fingers. It didn't do any good.

There was a whirring sound nearby that startled him. He turned towards the sound to find something deep in the room was moving. Raz moved hesitantly towards it. As he did a small metal disk covered with what…were, as far as he could see a number of unnecessary lights, came to rest an inch above the floor. Raz examined it for a moment. It reminded him vaguely of the hovering elevators in Milla's mind.

He tested it for a moment, and after deciding it was safe stepped onto it. It went up immediately. The small tunnel was lit wall to wall with lights. Occasionally he would come upon a pane of glass. He would then look on into a number of extraordinarily bizarre rooms. Finally, overhead, something moved out of the way and he came to a stop in what…by default…must have been somebody's living room.

He stepped off and a small wooden dresser moved back along the wall, covering the tunnel.

Raz raised his brow as he looked around. Ahead of him a massive television set hung from the wall, connected to a large tube, which ran up to the ceiling…or would have…if their had technically been a real ceiling. Above him were thousands of wires and tubes.

Raz walked to the center of the room, looking upward at the outlandish structures, he had begun to come up with a conclusion.

_I must still be in the mental world…this place is way too strange to be real_.

"Eiieee!!" Raz jumped and tried to cover his ears, as, from somewhere, someone screeched in an inhuman manner. When he reached up, however, he found that the strange clothes and hands were not the extent of his problem…he didn't have ears.

"Master!! Master!!!!!!!" A small robotic like creature had run into the room, for some reason, he was wearing a sombrero. He stopped a few feet away from Raz, who, had gotten into a defensive position.

"Look what I can do." The robot started to break dance. After a moment, Raz straightened, but was, for the first time in his life, unsure of what to do next.

"Uh…great…nice work." He said, relieved at least to find that his voice was the same. He half expected to start gurgling when he opened his mouth. "Do…you know where we are?" The robot stopped and gave him a bemused look. Then he brightened up again.

"Oh, I know that! We're on Earth!" He said, flinging his small metal arms in the air. Raz sighed.

"Yeah…okay…great…Earth…but do you know where we are in Earth?" The robot seemed to think for a moment…or he did something…he had, at some point placed a squid on his head. Raz wasn't even entirely sure where he got it…had it been under the hat? Finally, he pointed down at the floor.

"You don't know, do you?" Gir stared at him for a moment with big glowing blue eyes then screeched again.

"Ima go play in the toilet!" He ran off laughing. Raz raised his brow.

"Whoever's mind this is needs some serious help." Raz said quietly before looking around the room again. He walked into a connected room, which turned out to be a kitchen.

"Okay, why is there a toilet in here?" Raz said. There was indeed a toilet along the wall. There were other bizarre things about the room, but this detail was by far the most disturbing.

Raz crossed his arms and walked to the center of the kitchen, eyeing it for a moment. To his right, a small circular mirror was sticking out of the wall on some bizarre spring. There was a smiley face drawn on it. Raz approached it; his eye wide…or…well…they weren't his eyes. What he was gazing at were two large red irises gazing out of a bright green face. On top of his head was a set of antennae. He reached up with the bizarre little hand and touched his face, as if to make sure it was what he was really seeing. He then traced the antennae with one of his three fingers.

Raz could do nothing but stare for a few minutes. Finally, he took a few steps back and sat down in a chair at the dining table, still staring at his reflection.

_What the hell am I? I look like one of those weird little aliens from a bad sci fi flick._

He tore his eyes away from the reflection as his mind tried to wrap around a second conclusion that he was really not looking forward to coming to.

_My mind was closed…this mind was the only other open one…so…I should be in someone else's mind…but…_

Why was his mind closed in the first place? And if he was in someone else's mind, shouldn't he still look the same? Even after he sneezed out his brain and his psyche had been melded with Coach Oleander's he had looked like himself in the mental world…so…if this wasn't the mental world…

Raz stood up again, and ignoring the mirror headed quickly towards the living room. When he got there he stopped and turned back towards the kitchen. He stood there for a moment before extending a hand and gazing fixedly at an object on a shelf by the TV. He concentrated.

_I'm going to throw that weird cactus thing against the wall…_

Nothing happened.

_I'll settle for blowing it up…really it doesn't matter._

After a minute Raz dropped his hand and crumpled into the sofa.

_I don't have my powers…_

"Oh god." He stood and went to the door lethargically. When he got there, he opened it without much hope. Beyond the lawn, which was as nightmarishly bizarre as what he'd seen so far of the house, everything looked…real. Raz shuddered and shut the door again.

_I'm not so sure this is the mental world._

XXX

"Zim's been out of school for two days now, he's planning something, I know it!" Dib was sitting at the lunch table with his untouched meal in front of him. He was gazing around the lunch room suspiciously, as though he expected Zim to be hiding somewhere. This was not entirely unlikely…though…as you know, it is also not so.

Beside him, Gaz was ignoring him as she played on a handheld console. It was becoming increasingly difficult however. He just wouldn't shut up.

"He hasn't tried anything for almost a week now…he must be working on something big…but he won't succeed. I shall stop him! I'll stop him at every turn." A low growl had begun to formulate from deep in Gaz's throat as he spoke. Finally she lost what little patience she had and, without taking her eyes off of the screen threw an apple at his head.

"Shut up Dib! I'm on level twelve." Dib rubbed at his head and looked at his sister irately.

"Come on Gaz, this is more important then video games. This is the world!"

"Why do you sit here?" Gaz asked, her focus still primarily on her Gameslave 2. Dib deflated a little.

"If I sit near someone else I'll wind up with my head in the toilet…or with a wedgie or something."

"…" Dib sighed and rested his chin in his palm. For a moment he actually considered eating his lunch, then he looked at it and thought better of it. It was coleslaw and Chili day…most kids were lucky to leave with only a tiny hole burned into their stomach lining after coleslaw and chili day. He pushed his tray away.

_Why don't I ever pack my lunch? _

XXX

An hour later Raz had the first floor of the house thoroughly explored and had found out how to turn on the television before he had even allowed himself to think about his current situation.

He didn't think he was in the mental world. It didn't feel like the mental world. But at the same time, beyond this explanation, he could not come to any other conclusions. Was he dreaming?

_If I am…I need to see a psychiatrist. _In any case, he didn't think he was. But if this wasn't the mental world…and it wasn't a dream…then that meant it was real…

Raz had avoided the mirror since the first time he looked into it. He now returned and looked into it for a long moment.

"Where am I?" These thoughts were broken when the phone in the living room rang. Raz waited a moment, then, cautiously returned to the other room and picked up the receiver.

"…hello?"

"This is the skool, are records show that you haven't been to class in two days…"

"School?" Raz raised his brow.

"Miss one more day and it'll be on your permanent record for the rest of your life and you'll never get a decent job."

"Permanent record? Can you really do that?"

"Just be here tomorrow and things won't get ugly." A second later Raz got the dial tone. He hung up and gave the phone an odd look.

"Maybe I am dreaming."

"Master!" Raz turned to see the little robot advancing towards him quickly again. "Guess what I found in the toilet?"

"I don't think I want to know."

"Pancakes! Want some?" He was holding out a stack of pancakes. Raz motioned for the robot to take them back.

"No thanks. Why do you keep calling me master?"

The robot gazed at him for moment then wolfed down the pancakes.

"They taste like toilet!!!" Raz raised his brow…or whoever's brow it was and took a step back from the clearly insane creature as he danced in celebration of the toilet pancakes.

"Okay…let's try an easier question," Raz said finally after the robot finished dancing and proceeded to try, as far as Raz could tell, to crawl into the floor. "What's your master's name?" Gir straightened and stared at Raz, then, touched Raz's new bizarre face, almost stroking it. Raz sighed.

"Okay…what's YOUR name then?" Gir jumped back and for a moment the glowing blue orbs that were his eyes flashed red.

"Gir, at your service, Sir!" They reverted back to their usual shade. "I like cake."

"Gir? Really? Well alright what's…?" He was interrupted when an earsplitting alarm went off and all around him lights started to flash.

**"Warning, Front Yard. Warning" **Raz, who had jumped slightly at the initial warning, straightened and headed towards the window curiously. Out on the yard, a squirrel was sitting on the yard nibbling at something.

"It's just a squirrel." He said aloud.

**"Terminate. Terminate. Terminate!!!" **One of the lawn gnomes turned towards the squirrel and, with their laser eyes, blasted it. Raz watched for a moment then turned away with a tired (The sort of tired look acquired by people who spend way too much time around insanity and are beginning to suspect that they might be imagining the whole thing) look on his face.

"I need to find a way out of here." He said with a sig.

XXX

"What's the problem here?" Sasha Nein stepped into the small white room cautiously. It was empty. It had very recently housed James Grey, an accountant who had had a mental breakdown a few years before when his wife left him and had since then been on the fast track to ruin and self injury. He had been escorted back to his own room and was under a close watch, although it already looked as though he was doing much better.

Agent Castor, who had been standing on one side of the room, approached Sasha wearily.

"Well sir…Agent Aquato was ordered to return to mental world, and uh…I guess he didn't quite do it right away…because when we returned he was still out. He came to twenty minutes ago, screamed a lot and called us…" He looked at another Agent nervously, who nodded, looking slightly embarrassed. "…earth monkeys…then, because he was acting…a bit unstable, we doused him with a confusion grenade and he's been out since…which is odd, because normally they only last for fifteen seconds or so."

Sasha raised his eyebrow and cast a quick look at the lying form of Razputin. He walked around Agent Castor and approached the eleven-year-old boy, kneeling slightly as he neared him.

"Razputin…" He shook him lightly by the shoulder. He started to stand again and opened his mouth to speak but did not get a chance to. The boy suddenly came to life and lashed out at him.

"Aha! I fooled you human filth!!!"

XXX

Glad I got some reviews The next few chapters should be…a lot of fun to write. I hope they will be equally fun to read. Have a nice weekend everyone!!!


	3. Zim Wakes Up

Chapter Three:

Zim Wakes Up

To say Sasha was surprised was an understatement. Still, he was a talented and well trained agent and was only caught off guard for a second…and Zim…well…he wasn't that talented or well trained and so couldn't do much in defense when Sasha turned his surprise attack against him and he wound up pinned against the ground.

"Argh! Get off of me you horrible human!" Zim shouted. He tried to push the tall human off of him with his metal spider legs, only to find they weren't coming out. For a moment he panicked.

"Calm down, Razputin. I think you may be suffering some side effects from the mental world."

"Ahhh! No! Gir! Our base has been infiltrated! Quickly, computer fry the intruder! Someone help!!" Sasha cast a bewildered look to Agent Castor, who shrugged, looking a bit appalled at Raz's suddenly frantic behavior. Finally, when it was clear the young agent was not calming down, he doused him with a confusion grenade.

"Let's get back to Headquarters." He said, while carefully grabbing the now drunken boy, securing his arms so that he couldn't lash out when he sobered up again. "I'm going to teleport back with Raz so I can get him back as quickly as possible. I can't teleport all of you so you'll have to follow in the jet." Before anyone else could say anything, Sasha and Raz (Zim) vanished.

XXX

When Zim woke up again he started screaming. He had come to twenty minutes before, only to be strapped down in a strange room, now, his only conclusion was that his base had some how been discovered and he was at the hands of some secret government organization. (Which was…not entirely off track…) He tried to move his arms and legs and found he could not.

The tall human in the sunglasses once again was standing over him saying stuff. He ignored him.

"You wont get away with this! I'll suck your brains out! As soon as my spider legs work again I'll escape! And then you'll be sorry!!" Sasha sighed and nodded to a woman who was holding a needle.

Zim saw it out of the corner of his eye and tried, in vain to shrink away from it.

"No! Ack! Get that thing away from me! I'm normal! I'm normal!" Zim faltered into silence as Sasha held up his hand for the woman to halt for a moment.

"Razputin, if you cannot calm down, we're going to have to give you a sedative."

"Er…you don't have to do that…I'm a perfectly normal human earth child, really." Sasha cleared his throat.

"Alright…" Sasha said carefully. "I think we need to get you a cat scan as soon as possible. Until then, perhaps you should go back to your room and rest."

Zim didn't say anything, but rather, watched the tall human skeptically. Sasha watched him for a moment, and then started to release the straps holding him to the table.

"Now, if you continue to act in this insane manner I'm going to have to strap you down again. Do you understand, Razputin?"

"Huh, oh yeah sure whatever." Sasha removed the last strap and stepped back defensively.

im sat up. He tried once more to communicate with his pak so he could bring his metal spider legs out so he could squash the wretched human, and then slid off the table when it did not work.

_My amazing disguise must be fooling them, otherwise they would not be letting me go. Ha! I'm amazing. _

Smiling, far too wide to be considered normal and walking nonchalantly in a highly suspicious manner, he walked, very slowly, towards the door.

"Raz." Sasha said. Zim didn't answer, but froze anyway, then, without thinking he broke into a run and was out the door and sprinting down a hallway.

Sasha stood in silence for a moment. He sighed.

"That's not even the right way." He turned back to the nurse.

"Could you get a hold of Agent Vodello for me please. I have to go after Raz. Tell her it's serious and to meet me in my office as soon as she can." He headed out the door in the direction that Zim had sprinted.

XXX

Zim ducked behind a corner and stopped. Inside him, it felt like something like a fist was knocking lightly against his chest. He was vaguely concerned about this, but for now, he was more concerned with getting a hold of Gir. He pulled his sleeve up and looked, for a moment at a bare wrist.

"Ahh! Where's my communication device!? And…why is my skin this color?" Zim examined his hand, which was still gloved (Although not with the traditional invader gloves) He appeared to have way too many fingers under the brownish glove made out of some horrible…earth animal.

"Raz!" Zim heard Sasha's voice from down the hall. He froze and then quietly ducked into the nearest room, which appeared to be a restroom.

The minute he turned away from the door he caught sight of a human. He shouted and backed against the door. So did the human…and the human appeared to be shouting too…it was a mirror. Zim raised his brow and approached the large mirror cautiously. He extended his new horrible hand and touched the surface. In the mirror, the boy with the auburn hair and green eyes did that same.

"What have they done to me? Agh! I'm hideous!" He backed away once more, and frantically felt his back where his pak had been. There was nothing. He bit down on his gloved hand and turned away.

"Where am I? What happened? Who has done this to ZIM!?" The door opened and Sasha entered, looking vaguely annoyed.

"Ah…here you are…I could hear you screaming from down the hall."

"Stay back, human…or I'll…" Zim backed up away from Sasha. "I'll…do something…horrible…to…your head!"

"I'm just trying to help you Raz." Sasha said as he neared the now frightened alien.

_What Is a Raz? A human insult?_

"How dare you insult Zim!?" Zim ran into the sinks, as he was unable to back up any further. He was also beginning to feel a sort of panic not unlike the sort he had felt when he had found out about germs. This man looked a lot like the men in all of those corny sci fi movies Gir was always watching. The FBI and such. He wore dark clothing and dark plastic over his eyes like they did.

"I think you may be getting worse, Razputin. We need to analyze your mind to find the problem."

"No! Don't steal my brain! Stay away from my skin!!" He ran forward, trying to avoid Sasha, who turned quickly and held up a hand. Zim was lifted off of the floor.

Sasha approached him, stopping a foot or so away from the boy as he held him telekinetically.

"I apologize, Raz. But we need to find out what's wrong with you." With that he exited the bathroom with Zim preceding him in the air.

XXX

Raz had tried to go to sleep the night before, hoping that either, he would wake up to find everything was just a dream, or, he'd at least have a clearer idea of what to do.

Instead he woke up with Gir on his face. After pushing the robot off he sat up on the large couch with the creepy picture of a monkey hanging over it and yawned.

He wondered vaguely what to do next, when he remembered the call from the day before.

_I guess I'll go to school? _

"Er…hey, Gir. Where's the school?"

"I've got a squirrel in my head." Raz sighed.

"I guess I'll find out for myself…I don't…like…leave the house like this do I?" Gir shrieked and did a somersault off the couch. He ran out of the room. Raz raised his eyebrow and headed towards the kitchen.

For a moment he debated whether or not he dared to open the fridge. Finally, he did and took a cautionary step back. Something was oozing in the corner…but…that wasn't unlike any other fridge he had seen. Everything else looked fairly normal. He pulled out an unfamiliar canister and examined it thoughtfully.

"Master!" Gir ran in and dropped something at Raz's feet. There were a couple of items. He picked them up. A wig and two…contact lenses…plastic eyes?

"You've got to be kidding me." He said as he picked at the awful hair imitation. "And people fall for this?" Gir shrugged and grabbed the food out of Raz's hand. Raz sighed and put the wig on, adjusting it carefully. He looked at the eyes for a moment before approaching the mirror. After a few tries he got them in. His eyes were watering afterwards (He had poked them a couple of times with the large plastic eyes.) and the lenses itched terribly…but…at least they were in.

"I don't have ears…" Raz said slowly. "How can I explain not having any ears."

"The squirrel's eaten my brain." Gir said as he ate…whatever was in the food container.

"Your not going to be any help at all, are you?"

"Nope."

"You can't even tell me where the school is?"

"It's over there." Gir pointed in some random direction and headed back towards the living room.

"Yeah, great, thanks." Raz said dishearteningly. He headed towards the front door.

XXX

Raz had honestly never been to school. He grew up in the circus, and therefore, was tutored whenever tutoring was available, but he had not actually ever been admitted to an educational institution. Still, even Raz knew that School, was spelled wrong on the building. This seemed fundamentally wrong somehow.

Raz headed towards the building, his dream theory once again fresh in his mind.

_Or maybe I'm in the mind of some uneducated psycho. _

He headed though the front doors. The people around him didn't seem to notice him. When he got inside he stood in the doorway for a moment, trying to figure out where to go next.

Someone ran into him from behind and he was pushed violently into the wall beside him.

"Outta my way freak." A large boy with red hair and freckles stomped past him as Raz straightened his wig.

"This place seems welcoming." Raz said quietly to himself as he headed down the hall in search of some kind of office or something where he could find out where he had to go.

He finally found it at the end of a hall and entered quietly. The woman at the desk appeared to be flossing.

"Um…excuse me." The woman looked down at him, mouth still open.

"I don't really know where I need to go…" She removed the floss and set it aside. "What's your name?" She asked as she turned towards her computer.

"R…uh…oh." Damn! He didn't know what his name was!

"_Zim_." The voice came from behind him and was vocalized as if the speaker were cursing, rather then saying someone's name. Raz turned. Behind him in the doorway stood a boy with a long black coat and large glasses framing an equally large head. Raz looked over his shoulder, then, paused and pointed to himself quizzically.

"Zim…"The woman at the desk repeated as she typed his name into the computer. "You in Ms. Bitter's class, room 5." She then returned to her flossing. Raz had turned back to her when she had spoken. He now turned back to the boy, who was watching him carefully.

"Hey, thanks buddy." Raz said, as clapped a startled Dib on the shoulder and exited the room. Dib stood for a moment, bewildered.

"Hey wait!" He said as he regained his composure and hurried after the retreating figure. "You can't just run away, Zim! I know you're up to something!" He said as he caught up with the alien. "You've been gone for two days! Don't think I don't know what that means!" He said. Raz stopped as the boy stepped in front of him and cut him off.

"What does it mean?" Raz asked, raising his brow slightly.

"That you're planning some horrible scheme to take over the world!" Most of the children in the hallway turned towards the sound of Dibs raised voice. The majority then turned away again, by now used to the boys outbursts.

"It can't just mean that I was sick?" Raz asked, a little nervously. He had known the disguise was bad. He could have really used a couple of his powers at this point. Invisibility would be the preferred ability, although, in the situation, it might've just made things worse.

"I'll find out what it is Zim! And when I find out, I'll stop you! I'll always stop you. FOR EARTH!" Raz recoiled a bit, when the boy shouted, in case he turned rabid or something.

"Are you in therapy?" Raz asked.

"Therapy? What? No. What does that have to do with anything?" Dib said, caught off guard for a moment.

"Maybe you should be." Raz said as he stepped around the boy and headed, once more to his class.

"Hey! You can't call me crazy…" Dib frowned and crossed his arms. "I'm not crazy."

Dib frowned as two kids passed him, laughing quietly.

"I'm not!" He shouted at them as they hurried around the corner. The bell rang.

"Great, now I'm going to be late." Dib said, as he set off to class in a foul mood.


End file.
